what i eat in a day and the constant struggle

I have found myself once again struggling with not eating enough, once again stressing and worrying when am hungry and when my body tells me to eat more than my brain wants. So when I was scrolling through my old pictures, I found pictures from this day that I took photo's of what I ate. It inspired me to see that food is delicious and that I need more than I am I currently allowing myself. It made me see that I have eaten vegan for almost 2 years now and it made me forget about these worries. I also didn't really gain weight so what am I freaking out about. I guess I just can't see the beauty in myself, in my body. So why am I doing this again. It needs to stop now. I want it to stop. I want to be happy in my head. I remember this day very well. I enjoyed preparing every dish -- okay I admit the bananas weren't really hard to prepare.. but I loved every piece of food I put in my mouth and afterwards I wasn't making myself feel guilty, wishing I hadn't just done what I had told myself wasn't allowed. I love food, I love everying about it. It can taste so good, it can make me so happy. But it can also make me so sad. It's a constant battle. When you eat the right foods you feel good, you look good and you won't be obese. I know that but I sometimes stop believing it. So here I am sharing this piece of me, hoping I will feel beter in a while.

I also realize that I have been feeling super stressed again lately and this always happens when I feel like loosing control so I know it will go. But it would be so amazing if it never came back. Even when I am stressed like a chicken. 


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